This is a question I get asked a lot. So many people are supporting a loved one who is struggling with their mental health. They can see that their loved one is struggling and feel powerless to support them. Even though society is more open about getting mental health support a lot of people still feel there is a stigma around getting support. Often sources of mental health support can feel hidden and not easy to find. Here are some common beliefs around counselling that stop people from reaching out and how to support your loved one with their reluctance.
It will cost too much.
If finances are an issue for your loved one, this is a really valid reason that they have not reached out for support. Everyone has bills to pay, and right now, this has not gotten any easier. Getting support does not need to be costly though.
GPs can refer patients to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) at no cost to your loved one. I know that getting hold of a GP is often a real challenge so is that something you could support your loved one with. Sometimes it is the logistics of getting help that stand in the way.
Many people are worried about their GP knowing about their mental health and if this is a blocker for them then there are other options. Mind runs either low cost or free counselling sessions nationwide. Search the internet and look for local charities which provide free or low cost counselling in your area. Another option that your loved one might not know about is Employee Assistance Programmes (EAP). Many employers provide this to employees and there is often a year allocation of sessions available at no cost to the employee. Some programmes even offer couples counselling in addition to individual sessions. If your loved one has medical insurance they might be covered for mental health support as well as physical ailments, so it is worth checking if this is the case with their insurer. Although there is still a cost, it is usually a third of the cost that you would pay privately.
I don’t have time.
Your loved one might be worried that yet another time commitment to drive across town is not really practical. They might have caring or childcare duties that mean their time is at a premium. Your loved one might want to consider telephone or online sessions or counsellors who offer evening or weekend appointments so their partner could look after the kids. Or is this something you could help them out with.
Your loved one might be concerned that they will have to commit to 6 months of counselling but this is not the case. They should be noticing a positive difference within 3 or 4 sessions and at around 10 sessions they should be feeling significantly better. The sessions also don't have to be every week, many counsellors offer fortnightly or monthly appointments which are easier to fit around work and family commitments.
It wouldn’t help.
Your loved one might feel that talking about things will not help as it does not change what they are dealing with. Years of research suggest that counselling can be as effective as antidepressants. Your loved one might be resistant to taking medication long term so counselling can be an alternative to that route. You could try saying “It’s possible that counselling might not help. But it might help. You could try a few sessions and then decide if it’s for you.” No counsellor will want your loved one to continue sessions if they feel it is not working. Counsellors love feedback on what is not working for a person so that they can change things to be as helpful as possible. After all, counsellors became counsellors to help people.
I don’t want to talk about my childhood.
There is a perception that counsellors only want to focus on people's childhoods but counsellors actually focus on what is going on for your loved one right now. Yes, your loved one can talk about their childhood, if they wanted to, but they don’t have to. In a counselling session your loved one would only be talking about the things that they want to talk about. Within the counselling session they are in the driver’s seat and control what is discussed within the session.
Telling my secrets to a stranger feels wrong.
This is quite a common response when people suggest trying counselling for the first time. There are so many depictions in the media of what counselling will look like that it can seem like a scary place to be. Your loved one might be imagining a couch, with the counsellor lurking behind them and having to reveal all their dreams from the night before but this is not the case. In reality, it is more like sitting in a living room having a chat with someone who is really listening to them. The counselling room is actually a collaborative space that they decide what is worked on. Your loved one might feel they are burdening others with what is happening in their life or that they might upset others by what they really need to say. Within the counselling room they don’t have to worry about either of those things. The counselling room is unlike any other place, there is no need to put on a brave face or please the counsellor.
Resources
Contact me for more information at info@forcounselling.co.uk.
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