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How to build resilience

Updated: Aug 8

Being resilient is often touted as a safeguard to being able to manage changes and challenges that life throws at us. What is resilience really?


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Emotional resilience can be defined as an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.


What allows one person to be more emotionally resilient than others? Let’s look at some of the characteristics that make up emotional resilience.


Here are some key characteristics of emotional resilience:


  • Adaptability or Cognitive Flexibility: The capacity to adjust to new circumstances and to bounce back from setbacks. An example of adaptability would be being made redundant and see this as an opportunity to seek out new opportunities rather than feeling that you are to blame for the change in circumstance.


  • Optimism: A positive outlook on life and the belief that challenges are temporary and manageable. An example of optimism would be believing that things will get better rather than believe that things can only get worse from here.


  • Emotional Awareness: Understanding and recognising one’s own emotions and the emotions of others. An example of emotional awareness would be allowing yourself to feel your emotions rather than ignoring or avoiding them.


  • Self-Efficacy: Belief in one’s own ability to succeed in specific situations or accomplish a task. An example of self-efficacy would be knowing that you managed to successfully navigate a job interview and were offered a job previously so you would be able to do the same again.


  • Strong Social Connections: Having a supportive network of family, friends, and colleagues to provide emotional and practical support. An example of strong social connections would be prioritising investing time in other people to create social connections so that others are able to support you should you need.


  • Effective Coping Strategies and Stress Management: Utilising healthy methods to manage stress and adversity, such as problem-solving, seeking support, and practicing self-care. An example of a coping strategy would be thinking about a similar situation you have faced before, and thinking about if the strategy you used previously worked, and if it did, thinking about how, you could now apply the same technique to the situation you are currently facing.


  • Self-Reflection: Regularly examining one's thoughts, emotions, and behaviours to learn from experiences. An example of self-reflecting would be thinking about how your behaviours contributed to a relationship breakup and exploring if there were underlying emotions at work. For example, pushing an ex-partner away due to worries about being cheated on because of a previous experience in a different relationship. You can then process the emotions around being cheated on rather than bring them into your next relationship.


  • Sense of Purpose: Having goals, values, and a sense of meaning that motivate and guide actions. An example of having a sense of purpose would be working towards a 5k run, giving you a reason to go to the gym regularly.


Why Emotional Resilience Matters:


  • Improves Mental Health: Resilient individuals are less likely to experience severe anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.

  • Enhances Quality of Life: Emotional resilience contributes to overall happiness and satisfaction by allowing individuals to cope effectively with life's ups and downs.

  • Promotes Better Relationships: Resilient people tend to have healthier relationships because they can manage conflicts and support others effectively.

  • Encourages Growth: Facing and overcoming adversity can lead to personal growth, greater self-awareness, and a stronger sense of self.

  • By understanding and enhancing emotional resilience, individuals can navigate life's inevitable challenges more effectively, maintaining their well-being and thriving in the face of adversity.


Building emotional resilience is essential for navigating life's challenges and setbacks effectively. Here are several strategies that can help enhance emotional resilience:


  1. Develop a Positive or Growth Mindset

    1. Cultivate Optimism: Focus on the positive aspects of situations and maintain a hopeful outlook. This doesn't mean ignoring problems but rather seeing them as temporary and solvable. Ask yourself - will you still be worried about the issue in 5 years time?

    2. Practice Gratitude: Regularly reflect on things you are grateful for. Keeping a gratitude journal can help shift your focus from what's wrong to what's right in your life.

  2. Strengthen Social Connections

    1. Build a Support Network: Maintain close relationships with family, friends, and colleagues. Having people to turn to in times of need provides emotional support and practical assistance.

    2. Seek Help When Needed: Don’t hesitate to ask for help from your network or seek professional support when necessary.

  3. Develop self-compassion: Be kind to yourself, especially during tough times. Recognise that struggling is part of being human and no-one is perfect.

  4. Seek to achieve balance: Strive for a balanced life that includes work, rest, and play. Ensure you allocate time for self-care and relaxation. Try incorporating microbreaks into your day - take 5 minutes to focus on drinking your tea of coffee.

  5. Enhance Emotional Regulation

    1. Mindfulness and Meditation: Practice mindfulness techniques to stay present and manage stress. Meditation can help reduce anxiety and improve emotional control. Mindfulness is simply paying attention to what is happening right now for you.

    2. Breathing Exercises: Use deep breathing techniques to calm your mind and body during stressful situations. Try 4-7-8 breathing – breathe in for count of 4, hold for the count of 7 and breathe out to count of 8.

  6. Develop Problem-Solving Skills

    1. Break Down Challenges: When faced with a problem, break it into smaller, manageable parts. Tackle each part one at a time. This will stop the tendency to procrastinate and make bigger challenges more manageable.

    2. Focus on Solutions: Concentrate on finding solutions rather than getting overwhelmed by the problem itself. Maybe talk the issue over with someone you trust so they can help you brainstorm ideas to solve the problem.

  7. Maintain Physical Health

    1. Regular Exercise: Physical activity can reduce stress, anxiety, and depression, and improve overall mood. You don't have to become a gym rat, just focus on moving more during your day.

    2. Healthy Diet: Eating a balanced diet supports both physical and mental health. You don't have to go all out to start with but change 1 thing at a time, like giving yourself the challenge to try to add an extra portion of vegetables to your main meal.

    3. Adequate Sleep: Ensure you get enough sleep to help your body and mind recover and function optimally. Create a routine around bedtime that includes relaxing activities, like reading or watching comedy programmes to help you get to sleep more easily.

  8. Foster Self-Awareness

    1. Reflect on Your Emotions: Take time to understand your emotions and what triggers them. This can help you respond rather than react impulsively.

    2. Journal Writing: Writing about your thoughts and feelings can provide clarity and perspective and stop you holding onto your thoughts and feelings.

  9. Build a Sense of Purpose

    1. Set Goals: Having short-term and long-term goals gives you something to work towards and provides a sense of accomplishment.

    2. Engage in Meaningful Activities: Participate in activities that align with your values and passions. Volunteering or hobbies can provide fulfilment and reduce stress.

  10. Learn from Experiences

    1. Embrace Change: Accept that change is a part of life. Being adaptable helps you cope with unexpected events.

    2. Reflect on Past Resilience: Recall how you have successfully navigated challenges in the past. This can boost your confidence in handling future setbacks.

  11. Develop Coping Strategies

    1. Humour: Finding humour in situations can diffuse tension and provide a different perspective on your problems.

    2. Creative Outlets: Engage in creative activities like art, music, or writing to express and process emotions.

  12. Limit Negative Influences

    1. Reduce Stressors: Identify and minimise exposure to stressors in your life. This could include limiting time with negative people or reducing exposure to negative news.

    2. Set Boundaries: Learn to say no and set boundaries to protect your emotional energy. Your time and energy are precious commodities don't waste them on people or tasks that don't benefit you.

By integrating these strategies into your daily life, you can build emotional resilience, which will help you manage stress, recover from setbacks, and maintain a sense of balance and well-being even in challenging times.


Still need help with building resiliance to deal with life's stressors? Call 01224 548474 or email info@forcounselling.co.uk to schedule your appointment today.

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